Archive for the ‘Fantasy’ Category

“The Missing…”

Posted: April 8, 2013 in Fantasy

Do you remember the guy who saved that one kingdom? You know, High-rule, or something along those lines? A little dude who ran around yelling at pots like they had just flirted with his girlfriend or something? Yeah, that guy.

How about that plumber? Now, I know you know that guy. That guy was always gettin’ into some kind of trouble: monkeys, lizards, mushrooms, carnivorous plants, the works. If it crawls or spits, this guy – I think he has a brother too – has probably tangled with it at one point or another.

Why do I ask? Well, turns out, that little guy – the one who yells at pots – turned up missing. What a turn of phrase that is. How do you turn up missing exactly? If you’re missing, you’re…well, you get the point.



At the Wanky Unicorn

Posted: April 4, 2013 in Fantasy

Farfnir slowly drew his elven steel. It scraped along the leather scabbard, ringing in the air once it was free. Positioning the curved blade in front of him, he prepared to face the goblins blocking his path. “By the Gods of the Wyrde Wood, you will hinder me no further. You have defiled this land for long enough, foul creatures. No more will you stand in my way!” With a leap, Farfnir was upon them, dodging lithely to the right, and then, with a j-like motion, bringing his blade from the ground and up into the crotch of one of his adversaries. He pulled the sword through what was left of his opponent’s goblin-hood and resumed a guard stance — his blade in front of him — as green testicular ichor dripped onto the ground. The other goblins looked at each other and cringed; this was not going to go well for them.